This afternoon I saw New Moon with my Girlie & her Girlie-friend.
Okay. Let's start by saying New Moon was my least favorite book in the Stephenie Meyers' Twilight series.
Here's why: far too much drama, Mama! Maybe mooning about inconsolably for the length of an entire, long novel is relateable to tweens and teens but Bella's living on the razor's edge looking longingly into the abyss gets old quickly.
Naively I hoped the movie would bring something different to the table. Somehow make it more, I don't know, endurable? Not. Bella was totally shattered throughout as expected but somehow through all this despair there is not one tear shed. Maybe I saw the sheen of a track of a tear but no real pathos. There were many screams of anguish (insert eye rolling here) but no real emotion. It was like watching a robot. If there had been a hint of sincerity I would have felt it and been crying along - I always cry along. I cried in church this morning as a matter of fact. I think I cried at the previews. At New Moon? I got nothing.
The upside was the forever-shirtless Jacob played by Taylor Lautner. Talk about eye candy! The downside is I felt slightly lecherous drooling over a 17 year old boy. I mean come on, he could be my son. Ewww!
Speaking of ewww! Edward, played by Robert Pattinson was completely unappealing in this movie with too much make up and nasty-looking contacts. Thus rendering me a Team Jacob minion until further notice.
And finally, I've got a beef with the messages this book/movie sends to our young girls (notably the 7 year-olds sitting behind me in the theater kicking my seat and giggling):
- My life is nothing without the boy I love.
- Not only one impossibly-handsome boy should be in love with me but two.
- I should immediately reconcile with the boy that destroyed my life the minute he'll take me back - no questions or reservations.
- I will do whatever it takes to be with this boy no matter who it hurts even if it means ending my life.
- My boy will have 12-pack abs and two cannons with which he'll carry me off into the sunset after I throw myself off the precipice of desperation.
As I said - far too much drama, Mama! I'll take a goofy romantic comedy any day over this emo-fest!